Christmas from Asia

The last couple weeks have been a whole bunch of crazy. There have been ups and downs... as is life, isn't it? Since I am a woman, I like to blame the vast majority of my madness on my lady business. I mean, men think we're crazy, why not use it to our advantage? Am I right? Even though I think I am entitled to a little crazy now and then, I think a lot of people are giving me much more credit than I deserve.

A lady in my neighborhood, whom I'm told is dealing with her own demons anyway, has been overheard telling people how horribly I'm doing. I've spent a grand total of maybe ten minutes with this woman, but she knows me well... or at least she thinks she does. A friend of mine, whom this lady told I was doing so badly, assured her that I am fine. I'm more than fine... I'm doing pretty well considering the circumstances. She was insistent that I am not. 

So, yeah, Husband is deployed and this is our first Christmas apart. We've been married almost seven years so it's actually kind of a miracle we've skated it this long. Birthdays and anniversaries have been missed as well as a few less important (to me) holidays over the course of our marriage. This might be my first Husband-less Christmas, but it's not my first rodeo.

Luckily because Husband is in Asia instead of the desert, we can FaceTime everyday. We DO FaceTime everyday. The kids get to see him often enough that we don't really miss too much. Husband also got to watch our entire Christmas present-opening extravaganza this morning as you can see above (while I tried to get as many pictures amidst the chaos as possible). I had to stick The Wee in his high chair to save him from attacking Daddy until the big boys were done and then I opened all his presents for him because he didn't give a crap. Husband wasn't there physically, but he was there. He saw everything. He laughed at Bean's reactions and tried to get Cakes' attention when he started wandering or spacing out. He sent me a few things that I opened with just he and I alone in my bedroom, too. One of which was this...

It's a bracelet with puzzle pieces (signifying Cakes' autism, as does the autism awareness bracelet below it) that says "Warrior Mom". I opened it and I cried. He told me that I deserved it and that I was an amazing mom... which is something that, honestly, I long to hear most days when I'm running on empty. Even though I do run on empty sometimes, it doesn't mean I'm incapable. It doesn't mean I'm simply enduring instead of living. Sometimes I'm just exhausted being both mom and dad, but I really wish people would stop assuming that I'm doing so horribly.

There have been people who've lifted my spirits in small ways and I appreciate them more than they can know. I've had a couple people insist on taking my kids so I could have a night off. I've had the snow shoveled from my driveway. I've had treats delivered to my door on several occasions and every single one of them was both needed and appreciated. These little acts of kindness are what keep my spirits up and, in fact, keep me doing better than just "okay". Did I scream into my couch cushion a couple mornings ago when Bean was stressing me out? Absolutely. Twice. But sometimes, something like that is all I need to feel better.

I'm still human; I still need to complain sometimes or cuss at bad drivers or scream into my couch cushions, but I will persevere every single time. I might be a little bit crazy (I think most military spouses are to some degree), but I'm still kicking ass and taking names. What I'm trying to say is, don't underestimate me. Don't underestimate people like me. I'm doing better than you may think (or even more than my late night facebook statuses portray me to be) and even though I miss Husband more than I can even put into words, I will still run over a stroller any day of the week if I have to, to show you who's boss. Run and tell that.

The new "R Word"

When you look at this little boy, what do you see? I see a boy who has a hold of my whole heart. I see a little boy who has one of the best laughs in the entire universe. I see a little boy who has grown more in a year than most people do in a lifetime. I see a little boy who I couldn't live without. I see my sweet little Cakes. Do you know what I don't see when I look at this little boy? Autism. But guess what? He has it.

Tonight while Husband was on his lunch break clear the hell in Asia, we had a quick video chat. He told me a story; a story that both choked me up and infuriated me at the same time. It goes a little bit like this...

Husband recently overheard a conversation in his shop between some guys, one of which was drawing a picture. Somebody asked, "Are you an artist?" and another fellow said "No, he's autistic.". Husband ignored this first encounter. He thought it perhaps seemed innocent and he was irritated, but bit his tongue. Tonight the same fellow was on the computer at work looking for some one on the internet to ask them a question. While doing so, he referred to said person he was in search of as autistic much like the other conversation, but this time in a much more derogatory manner. I can't remember the exact phrase he used as I was in too much shock from hearing the story to recall. This time though, Husband approached him and said "Excuse me, why are you saying that?! My son has autism and it's not [bleeping] funny!"

Autism is not funny. It's heartbreaking and it is not something I'd wish upon anyone. My beautiful little boy does not have an easy life. He goes to full-time preschool Monday through Friday from 9-4. He has two hours of behavioral therapy three days a week. He's done all of this for a year straight. In this year, he went from saying zero words to 15-20 words. He's gone from having a complete meltdown both at home and in public to hardly any meltdowns at all. He's gone from injuring himself when he's overwhelmed or overstimulated to calming himself rationally. He's four years old and he's learned all this. Is he "normal"? No. Has he met the "milestones" set for his age group? No. But you know what? He's by far the smartest kid I know. He may not do typical things the way he's supposed to, but if you met this little boy, you'd understand that he's far beyond his years in intelligence. What's more, this little boy is one of the loves of my life and I will fight to the death for him.

Autism is not a derogatory word, joke or put-down. It is is a developmental disorder that appears in the first 3 years of life, and affects the brain's normal development of social and communication skills. It is not funny. It is not something to be taken lightly. It is not the new "R Word" and I will do my best to make damn sure it never gets to be that way. 

To pee or not to pee

Tonight as I was bathing Cakes, my mind ran across something that it actually bumps into often at bath time. I have no idea if I'm just totally odd or if this is something a lot of parents think about. With Cakes having autism, he's not especially verbal. He has a handful of words he knows and uses, but the vast majority of what comes out of his mouth is screams (the majority being happy/excited) or gibberish. Because of this, a lot of  what should be easy tasks to the "typical" kid are not so for Cakes.

For example, he is four years old and is not potty trained. I think he grasps the dynamics of what it's all about, but I don't think he understand how to make his own body perform the function. This is not for lack of trying, however. Both his teachers and aides at school as well as his in-home therapist take him to the bathroom several times a day and have charts breaking down each step of the process. In his four years, though, he's only actually peed in the potty twice. Two nights ago... he peed in the bathtub right after I took him off the potty.

This lead me to wonder: how many times has Cakes (or any of my kids for that matter) peed in the tub without my knowledge and I totally bathed them in it? Have I done it? I mean, I know urine is sterile, but that is still unnerving to think about. Gross.

Well, here we are...

I have this problem where I'm an over-poster on facebook and I think that at least half my friends list has me hidden from their news feed. I needed a place to say what the heck it is I'm thinking about right now for people who may feel the same way. I'm going to have a plethora of subjects to (more than likely) complain about, but in one of those upbeat ways that will perhaps help people relate. Or you know... not. Either way, here it is in all it's glory. Hot, right? Right.

So, I may as well introduce myself and the folks I'll be speaking about frequently.  Me... I'm the Rachie. In reality, I really freaking hate it with a fiery passion when people I don't know and/or don't like call me Rachie. Consider it a privilege to refer to me in such a manner (because I'll probably tell you to stop otherwise). I'm an unconventional military wife of the LDS persuasion. I like to use substitute cuss words when I'm not actually cussing my face off. I'm a mom of three super cute dudes and I'm a little bit out of my mind. Some people think I'm funny. I find that that's only true when I'm not trying.

Husband. He's in the air force and he's rad as crap. Is crap rad? I don't know. Just know I love him a whole bunch and he melts my face. He's currently deployed until next fall somewhere in Asia. Where in Asia? Wouldn't you like to know.

Bean. He's my eldest child. He's in kindergarten and he is a character. He says some of the most random stuff that is almost always good for a laugh. He's got a temper, but when he's lovey, he loves hard. He makes me want to punch kittens a lot of days, but I wouldn't trade him for anything.

Cakes. He's the second dude of three. He has a super power as far as I'm concerned. Most people may disagree... society calls him autistic. I call him my hero. He has amazed and shocked me more than any one soul has.

The Wee. He's a mega chubby baby guy. He's wants to party like a grown man, I've come to find. He's all up in everyone's business and walking around like being a baby was so five minutes ago. People don't say that anymore; I'm bringing it back. I like to smooch his chunky cheeks and I'm excited to see what kind of crazy junk he'll come up with the bigger he gets.

My family is my life and I will fight to the death for them. Here I will be word vomiting as I see fit and if you feel like indulging in my nonsense... take a seat. Enjoy.