The touchy subject...

I felt compelled to stand on my soap box about what seems to be a touchy subject. The one subject that can REALLY get me riled up is autism, but that's not what this is about. Today, I'd like to talk about my thoughts on the gay community.

Before you start sighing and huffing and puffing and virtually throat punching me, just wait a second. I'm came across a post today that a friend of mine had "liked" on Facebook  The post was a cartoon drawing of some one talking to God. The basics of were that the person was asking God if our country was being punished because of the gay community, but God said he was punishing us for how we were treating them. Out of sheer curiosity, I read the comments on this picture.

I'm sure any of you that have ever read a conversation between Christians and the gay community will know this turned out exactly the same. Those who either were gay or were supporters of gay were bashing the Christians and the Christians were bashing them right back, but using the Bible to do so. I'm kind of tired of this.

I was raised in  and practice the LDS Christian faith. Husband is also a Christian, but is not of the same faith as I am. We were both raised with the same basic beliefs, however and I think we both feel pretty similar on this subject. When it comes right down to it, I don't have a problem with people who are gay. One of my first bosses of my working career referred to himself (and I quote) as "gayer than a $2 bill". I'm still not really sure what that means... but he was rad. He was hilarious. He was a good boss and treated my coworkers and me fairly. I didn't look at him and think about what he did in his free time or who he loved and/or was in a relationship with. I saw him as a person.

I think Christians are too caught up on this subject. We're too busy worrying about how (insert adjective here) we think it is and aren't practicing what we preach. Am I going to advocate on capitol hill for gay marriage? Probably not... but that doesn't mean I can't love all of God's children regardless of their sexual orientation, race or otherwise. What, exactly, is the point of arguing about this? It sure as hell isn't Christ-like and posting a comment that is verbally abusive in either direction isn't really that great plea for your case. I'm also fairly certain that quoting the Bible isn't going to change a person's mind in that one instant because chances are, they've heard it before. This is a path they've chosen (this goes for both gays and Christians) and what you say to a complete stranger on Facebook isn't going to suddenly make them realize that you're right and they're wrong. Especially those comments that are negative.

I think that this can go for many things, if you think about. Gun control, politics, you name it. You won't change a troll's mind, so how about we all agree to disagree and stop wasting our time and energy on people you will more than likely never meet. You can't beat a dead horse. I guess you could, but it'd be pointless and therein is my point. Whether you're gay and/or support gays or you're a Christian who believes otherwise, it's not our job to force any agenda/opinion on those that don't want to hear it. Even in my own religion, the missionaries don't force doctrine down the throats of those who say they don't want to hear it. If they're told no, they move on. Why is the internet any different?

PEOPLE OF THE INTERNET!!! I hope we can just enjoy our own personal journey and improve ourselves for the better instead of arguing that everyone around us needs to be up to our personal standard. I have a different opinion than a lot of people on a lot of things, but I'll never tell you I'm right (even though I believe that I am). Worry about you. Your grass can be green if you take the time to tend to it.

Christmas from Asia

The last couple weeks have been a whole bunch of crazy. There have been ups and downs... as is life, isn't it? Since I am a woman, I like to blame the vast majority of my madness on my lady business. I mean, men think we're crazy, why not use it to our advantage? Am I right? Even though I think I am entitled to a little crazy now and then, I think a lot of people are giving me much more credit than I deserve.

A lady in my neighborhood, whom I'm told is dealing with her own demons anyway, has been overheard telling people how horribly I'm doing. I've spent a grand total of maybe ten minutes with this woman, but she knows me well... or at least she thinks she does. A friend of mine, whom this lady told I was doing so badly, assured her that I am fine. I'm more than fine... I'm doing pretty well considering the circumstances. She was insistent that I am not. 

So, yeah, Husband is deployed and this is our first Christmas apart. We've been married almost seven years so it's actually kind of a miracle we've skated it this long. Birthdays and anniversaries have been missed as well as a few less important (to me) holidays over the course of our marriage. This might be my first Husband-less Christmas, but it's not my first rodeo.

Luckily because Husband is in Asia instead of the desert, we can FaceTime everyday. We DO FaceTime everyday. The kids get to see him often enough that we don't really miss too much. Husband also got to watch our entire Christmas present-opening extravaganza this morning as you can see above (while I tried to get as many pictures amidst the chaos as possible). I had to stick The Wee in his high chair to save him from attacking Daddy until the big boys were done and then I opened all his presents for him because he didn't give a crap. Husband wasn't there physically, but he was there. He saw everything. He laughed at Bean's reactions and tried to get Cakes' attention when he started wandering or spacing out. He sent me a few things that I opened with just he and I alone in my bedroom, too. One of which was this...

It's a bracelet with puzzle pieces (signifying Cakes' autism, as does the autism awareness bracelet below it) that says "Warrior Mom". I opened it and I cried. He told me that I deserved it and that I was an amazing mom... which is something that, honestly, I long to hear most days when I'm running on empty. Even though I do run on empty sometimes, it doesn't mean I'm incapable. It doesn't mean I'm simply enduring instead of living. Sometimes I'm just exhausted being both mom and dad, but I really wish people would stop assuming that I'm doing so horribly.

There have been people who've lifted my spirits in small ways and I appreciate them more than they can know. I've had a couple people insist on taking my kids so I could have a night off. I've had the snow shoveled from my driveway. I've had treats delivered to my door on several occasions and every single one of them was both needed and appreciated. These little acts of kindness are what keep my spirits up and, in fact, keep me doing better than just "okay". Did I scream into my couch cushion a couple mornings ago when Bean was stressing me out? Absolutely. Twice. But sometimes, something like that is all I need to feel better.

I'm still human; I still need to complain sometimes or cuss at bad drivers or scream into my couch cushions, but I will persevere every single time. I might be a little bit crazy (I think most military spouses are to some degree), but I'm still kicking ass and taking names. What I'm trying to say is, don't underestimate me. Don't underestimate people like me. I'm doing better than you may think (or even more than my late night facebook statuses portray me to be) and even though I miss Husband more than I can even put into words, I will still run over a stroller any day of the week if I have to, to show you who's boss. Run and tell that.

One Uppers

I don't know if you've ever met a military spouse, but we're a bunch of one uppers (most of us, anyway). I'm totally guilty of this nonsense, by the way. I've learned to take it down a notch over the last year or two, but I find myself regularly wanting to one up my very own friends when I sift through my facebook news feed.

It's not even on facebook that I have to bite my tongue. There are a bunch of very well-meaning ladies in my currently civilian-only neighborhood that try to sympathize with me and I find myself having an inner battle to keep my mouth shut. It usually has to do with how long our husbands have been away from us. Now, let me just clarify before I go offending people I know and love... If your husband travels regularly, I know you have an idea what I'm going through. Having no husband around when you actually like the dude is not the funnest junk ever. What I hate is the "Oh, my husband left for ten days once, so I TOTALLY know what you're going through!" type stuff. I have learned to not say it out loud, but here in the anonymity of the interwebs, let me just say... No. No, you don't.

Husband has been gone three months with nine months remaining on his stupid deployment to Asia. I knew this would come eventually. In his career field, it's inevitable. I just had hoped that after him being gone 200+ days a year for the last three years with the air demo team, that they'd let me see his face for longer than a few days before sending him off. In fact, we planned The Wee's pregnancy specifically around him leaving the air demo team so that he could actually watch one of our kids grow up. THANKS UNCLE SAM! YOU DOUCHE!

I just really wish I could stop even having these ultra lame thoughts of wanting... nay... needing to one up people. It's almost like all the hormonal rage I didn't explode all over people in my 29 years wants to come tumbling out of my mouth in one moment. It was at it's all time worst while I was pregnant with The Wee. My best friend's husband was deployed to Afghanistan (also while she was pregnant) and Husband was on a six week tour to Europe at the tail end of our three years of his never-ending travels. I had posted something like "Three weeks down, three to go" and she and I then had a super fun battle of one-upsmanship via my facebook wall. We worked through it, of course. We always do. I just look back and think, why was I arguing with a woman who was about to have her third child without her husband being present while he was in the middle of the desert? Husband was in EUROPE, but I was arguing that I'd had it worse because Husband was gone cumulatively longer than hers. What?! In hindsight, I am really dumb.

So, let's turn my idiocy into a public service announcement, shall we? If you ever run into a military spouse (or you are one who is dealing with another who is like me), just know that she probably doesn't intend on one upping you. If she has even the smallest conscience, she probably also feels bad while doing so or perhaps even after the fact. Sometimes we crave a pat on the back for doing hard stuff alone and go to great (and stupid) lengths to get it. So, pat a military wife on the back sometime. Instead of saying "Oh man, that must be hard for you", say "You are rad. Seriously." and you'll have made her day. Bring her some cookies. Take her kids for a couple hours. Invite her to a girls night out. Just don't give her an opportunity to one up you if you like her even a little bit because chances are, she will take it.

How to deal with a military family

I've noticed an odd trend lately and it compelled me to write an impromptu how to post. The trend I speak of is "civilians" not having a clue how to handle me or my family. I will say, however, that this is not true for everyone. There are a couple super rad chicks in my neighborhood that I don't have to censor myself around and that have brought me treats and/or company in my time of need. As for everyone else, this is for you.

Husband is gone for another 10 months. Is this hard? Yes. Is this frustrating? Yes. Do I want to talk about it every spare second of my day? No. This is the first time I've lived in a civilian-only neighborhood in six years. On a military base, I've found that most people not only know what you're going through, but some of them are going through it with you. They don't act as though this is the hardest thing you'll ever endure, they just ask if you need anything and you take turn watching each others kids so you can have a break. You have dinner together, your kids play together, you whine together on bad days and laugh your faces off on a good days.

Here, I've found that's so very different. People don't know what to say so they either don't say anything or they try to be empathetic which sometimes comes off very awkwardly. I can appreciate the effort, but I'd rather that they say "Hey, if you're not doing anything, (insert fun alternative to my intense boredom here)!" instead of "I don't know how you do it!" or "You poor thing!". My situation is one where I don't think about how I do it, I just do it. There's not much to it besides that. My kids still have to eat and bathe and go to school, so I make all that happen. While I appreciate the sympathy, I'd rather we go to lunch or get ice cream. The sympathy is actually, most days, counterproductive to my attitude.

I just want to make it clear that these people are GOOD people and I appreciate every single one of them regardless of how they react to me and my situation. I just want to make it known that you don't have to talk about it... treat me like you'd treat any other person you'd encounter. Just don't judge me when I cuss or mention my intense need to hi-yah one of my kids when they're being naughty.